From arguing over who’s keeping the Le Creuset pan to who’s sleeping on the sofa until the sale goes through, moving out during a breakup can be an emotional process.
Splitting from a partner is hard enough, but if you’ve got a house to sell – or a tenancy to move out of – things can get even more complicated.
Following a separation from her partner, @Difficult_Gate_2194 planned to sell their family home and split the proceeds. But her ex refused her offer – as well as her alternative, which was to buy him out.
‘We decided to separate recently, and I would like to sell our home to be able to move on with my life. We have three children and all three will live with me following the separation,’ she penned in the r/HousingUK Reddit thread.
‘We bought the property four years ago and two years ago my partner took out an IVA [an Individual Voluntary Agreement, which is a contract between an individual and their creditors to pay back debts over time] in his name.
‘He basically got himself into debt by taking out multiple loans to fund a gambling addiction at the time and eventually could no longer afford the repayments.
‘Fast forward to now and I have been trying to come to some sort of agreement with him about selling and moving out of the property.
‘Initially we agreed he would attempt to buy me out, but we quickly found out this would not be able to happen due to the IVA so since then I have been asking him to sell up.
‘However, he point blank reuses and says that the courts won’t make him homeless so I will have to go and rent somewhere if I no longer want to be in the home.
‘It doesn’t seem fair to me that I should have to leave and struggle, and he gets to stay in the family home all because of his irresponsibility with money.’
She subsequently added that she’d offered to buy him out of the property and give him £20,000, which amounts to half of the equity they would each gain if they sold up. However, he refused the gesture.
‘He states he will struggle to rent anywhere with his credit, so I’ll effectively be making him homeless,’ she added in the comments section.
‘The £20,000 he would get from me buying him out would need to be paid into his IVA as he owes three times this amount.
‘The company he has the IVA with advised him they would need to take 85% of any profit he made from selling his share of the property. This is the reason he doesn’t want to do it.’
So, is there anything couples should know about buying or renting a property together that could protect them in case of a future breakup? As Alex Brereton, partner at Hunters Law LLP tells Metro, planning for a mid-tenancy split might not sound very romantic, but it’s worth doing.
‘To avoid the risk of being stuck paying for a lengthy tenancy you just want to escape from, negotiating a sensibly timed break clause at the outset is a really good idea,’ Alex explains.
‘It’s also worth remembering that tenants’ rights only apply to those who are named on the tenancy agreement.
‘This can cause issues for people who move into their partner’s rented property and aren’t then formally added to the tenancy, as they can find they have no rights to remain living there after a break-up despite having been contributing to the rent.’
And when it comes to buying together, the stakes are even higher.
Having an idea of how the property would be divided after separating is fundamental – and the legal starting point is for the home to be registered jointly, citing both names on the deeds. Each will take 50% of it and receive half of the net proceeds upon its sale.
But as Alex acknowledges, this might not work for everyone, as ‘for others – perhaps where one of them has contributed significantly more to the purchase price, mortgage payments and/or renovation costs – this might feel very unfair.’
‘To avoid this, couples can enter into a Declaration of Trust which records how they would want to treat any unequal financial contributions if they break up and have to sell,’ Alex adds.
‘These can be very simple documents and should be suggested by your conveyancing solicitor when you are negotiating the purchase.’
For married couples and civil partners, the situation is ‘quite different.’
Where a property might be owned outright with the other having no legal interest in it, if it’s lived in as a family home this could mean that on divorce, a court is ‘likely to consider it a matrimonial asset which is to be divided equally between them.’
‘This might be the case even where the property has been owned since prior to the marriage began or was paid for out of inherited wealth,’ Alex shares.
‘If this is not the intention, then protection can be found by entering into a pre or post-nuptial agreement which makes clear that regardless of its use as the family home (or other treatment during the marriage), such a property is intended to remain the ring-fenced property of the legally owning party.’
How might navigating property woes during a breakup impact a relationship?
As sex and relationships expert Rhian Kivits tells Metro, the trajectory of the moving out process can ‘cloud’ our perceptions of the relationship’s ending.
‘If you are the one who is staying, it can be difficult to watch the other person leave and to adjust to living in the property alone,’ Rhian explains.
‘There are also many situations where couples are breaking up but neither can afford to move until the house is sold, or perhaps a tenancy still has months to run before it can be ended and this results in having to find a way to cohabit for longer that they would wish for.
‘This can be incredibly tricky and can stop the couple from moving on emotionally. In some situations, couples have to cohabit for some time despite there already being a new partner on the scene.’
Equally, there’s the issue of the home’s contents. It’s impossible to split a sofa down the middle – and just as in When Harry Met Sally when Jess and Marie agree over the future ownership of the coffee table should they split up, it might be an idea to discuss the destiny of various furniture pieces.
‘These strains can cause conflict and cloud the way the couple view the ending of the relationship. They may be left feeling resentful, angry and at odds with each other.’
As such, Rhian suggests ‘avoiding using your financial power or position to deliberately hurt, punish or disadvantage’ your ex-spouse.
Likewise, it’s important to be ‘cooperative’ about the house sale, which might include agreeing to clean in preparation for viewings, taking turns to be at home when these take place and agreeing on how you might manage the practicalities of the selling process.
‘If you are forced to cohabit for longer than you would like to, communicate to establish a shared set of ground rules and make some financial agreements so that there are clear boundaries and reasonable expectations about how you’ll proceed,’ Rhian concludes.
‘Do your best to stick to what’s been agreed and respect each other’s space and privacy.‘
This article was first published on February 3, 2025.
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