We bought a 16th-century Scottish castle for the price of a London parking space

‘I didn’t know you could actually buy a castle,’ says Simon Hunt, sitting in the stone-walled kitchen nook of his 16th-century Scottish pile with wife Stef Burgon. ‘I thought they were passed from first son to first son, like in Game Of Thrones.’

The pile in question – Kilmartin Castle – built in 1550 during the time of Mary, Queen of Scots – came to Stef and Simon’s attention when they had been living and working in dream jobs in Dubai for more than a decade.

The pair came across an article saying central London parking spaces were now so expensive that you could actually buy a Scottish castle for the same price. The picture of the castle in the article looked so beautiful they decided to investigate.

Stef, 45, and Simon, 43, had already fallen in love with Scotland after a Christmas spent with her family in Newcastle. The idea of buying a castle was initially something they liked to fantasise about over glasses of wine, ‘because we’re not wealthy castle-owning kind of people,’ says Simon.

‘My parents came to look at it for us,’ says Stef of the Argyle property, which is a two-hour drive from Glasgow and a similar distance from Ben Nevis. ‘They said that if they were our age, they would definitely do it.’

The couple bought the castle in 2014 at a time when the market was wobbly, as Scotland was about to have its independence referendum with ideas that ‘foreign’ property owners might be heavily taxed.

‘The price was £331,780,’ says Stef, explaining that they thought if they put in a weird offer against an asking price of £375,000, it might work in their favour. (That central London parking space must have been pretty fancy, mind you!)

In fact, it came down to sealed bids and, even though Stef thinks theirs wasn’t the highest, they wrote such a heartfelt letter about how much they loved the castle and how much work they would do on it, they won out against the competition with owners who had been on a similar journey with the castle themselves.

Simon sold a property in his native Australia and, having bought Kilmartin, they had £80,000 left to play with.

‘We thought, “Yeah, that’s enough”,’ says Stef. ‘And all the contractors we spoke to said it was enough. But it was not enough and, knowing what we know now, they knew it wasn’t enough but banks seem to lend you the rest because they want a project to be finished.’

At this time, the couple were still based in Dubai and initially gave the place a quick lick of paint so they could rent it out to anyone who wanted a bargain castle to stay in while they got their act together.

Two years later, they came back to get married in the castle – destroying the septic system in the process, what with all those guests – but it was only in 2018 that they finally quit their jobs in Dubai, got themselves a camper van and went on a six-month Europe-wide road trip around the biggest and best antique fairs.

From paintings of bearded ladies picked up in Paris to huge light fixtures from Denmark, everything was piled into the van with their cat Frank until the vehicle was impossible to use.

‘First went the shower,’ says Stef. ‘Then we filled up the bed so had to stay in hotels.’ All this happened on 
a mission to give the castle what they call a ‘rustic-luxe’ look.

With the outside of the building in pretty good nick, thanks to the previous owner who was a stonemason – ‘If it hadn’t been, we definitely wouldn’t have bought it,’ says Stef – it was just a question of sorting out the inside.

They did this while living in their camper van, acting as creative directors – Simon had been one at an advertising agency in Dubai – project managers and ‘unskilled grunt labour’, digging up ancient flagstones, laying underfloor heating and painting the metre-thick walls.

Was there ever a moment when they asked themselves, ‘What have we done?’ you wonder. ‘Always!’ says Stef, laughing. She remembers going to a remote loo with food poisoning and wondering, if she died there, whether anyone would ever find her.

‘For my 40th birthday, all I wanted was to have a shower,’ she says. ‘And it wasn’t until three days later that I got one.

‘The garden was, at some points, even harder work than the castle. Everything that happened seems to cost £20,000.’

But with all this, they have ever regretted it?

‘It’s the best decision we ever made,’ says Stef, who left her dream job as a breakfast-time radio presenter to take on the project. ‘We love this building – it’s like a child to us.’

The effect now that they’ve moved in their market-found treasures and recruited every last artisan in the neighbourhood is nothing short of stunning. Everything is beautiful, from the wild swimming pool with unchlorinated water filtered through reeds, across patios with firepits and barbecues and bars, past greenhouses where up to 20 guests can have dinner under the stars, through the organic garden – which acts as a free pantry for guests – under the family coat of arms above the door and into the castle proper.

‘We wanted something exciting and different everywhere you look,’ says Simon who, along with Stef, designed the whole place, down to window nooks for reading that look out over the glen. They even have their own house brand of coffee.

Simon shows us round, up and down stone spiral staircases, through three turrets, pointing out arrow holes – ‘so we can survive a zombie apocalypse’.

There’s also a half-rusted cabinet they picked up in Paris with a rust-coloured modern sink on top they had made especially, his favourite bath next to a wood-burning stove looking out to the hills, and a five-euro pouffe they found at a flea market and upcycled with House of Hackney fabric.

‘People say it has a Soho House vibe,’ says Simon, proudly, but it’s far much more interesting than that.

And having a castle has changed their lives for ever.

‘It’s weird when you get your dream job,’ says Simon of their lives in Dubai. ‘You actually wonder, “What next? Why am I not happy?”’

The realities of working for other people, of being able to take holidays only when you’re told to, of grafting all hours on projects you don’t give 
a monkey’s about, turned out not to be the life they wanted.

‘Now there are no bosses,’ says Stef, gleefully. ‘We can’t get sacked, no matter how bad we are.’

Not that they would be in any danger of being fired. With two acres – ‘so we don’t have to worry about disturbing the neighbours’ – and a gorgeous village pub just five minutes’ walk away, they initially thought it would make the perfect hotel. Stef knew something about this trade as she had worked as a travel journalist, picking up tips wherever she went.

So, with the interiors finally completed in October 2019, they opened as a boutique B&B… and then Covid hit.

‘After Covid, people wanted boltholes,’ says Simon, adding that most enquiries came from groups who wanted to take over the whole castle. It sleeps ten and is perfect for weddings, celebrations and 
multi-generational get-togethers, especially because of its accessible downstairs bedroom.

So, having found a cottage in the village for themselves and Robbie, their cat since the demise of Frank, they now list themselves on Vrbo – ‘the peer-to-peer rentals site’ – and stay out of the way. Unless it’s empty, when they might use it for a celebration.

If the pair needed any reassurance that they had done an amazing job, The New York Times named the castle and the glen as the fourth-best place to visit in the world. On Vrbo, it’s a holiday home of the year, based on inspections, amenities and reviews – all for £800-£1,500 a night (sleeps ten, remember!) depending on the season.

And the accolade really is no surprise with a property as ancient and beautiful as this, restored so that antique pewter rolltop baths share space with quirky 1970s pineapple-shaped lamps – ‘that’s pure Stef, that is,’ says Simon. Ancient flagged corridors open on to dining rooms ‘that have seen some wild parties’ and kitchens where every modern convenience is at hand.

Add ancient woodland, a nearby museum, interesting ‘arty-type’ locals, foraging opportunities, chefs who come in to do full-scale tasting menus and incredible fibre-optic broadband with 11 routers to get around the problem of walls that are 3ft thick, and it’s pretty much perfect.

Stef and Simon recently went back to Dubai because they needed a break, sun and to catch up with old friends.

‘We had a lot of fun and it was great to see people,’ says Simon. ‘But there’s not enough money in the world to pay me to go back to my old life.’

Find Kilmartin Castle and the other Vrbo holiday homes of the year at vrbo.com